The Stranger Inside Revealed

My last post was about me wrestling with this stranger within me. A stranger that tries, and too often succeeded, in vexing my spirit. The stranger that sets out to discourage me and set fear in my breast. Well, friends, I recognize who she is now. Recognition is a gift, the ability to recognize what a thing is. Recognize what a thing means to and for you. Thank You, Christ for the gift of recognition.

I, now, see her for the liar she is. The deceitful thief she shields. Within me, which is within my flesh, are two natures.The nature of my flesh is at war with the nature of my spirit. Where I would rise and triumph, my flesh brings fear and discouragement, procrastination. When I move into what God has for me, that other nature asks, "What can i do to destroy this? What is the best point of attack to stop this good thing?

So that nature creeps in, clouding my mind with all of the can'ts so that I can't see the cans. So what am I going to do with this information? I mean, is recognition good only for recognition's sake? I was so totally bogged down and beset, but didn't see any point of attack. So now, with the gift of recognition, able to see the enemy, now I must seek the point of my attack.

And I will attack. Someone told me today, a wise young minister, that we must go on the offensive sometimes. Take the steps of faith to move forward for a better life. A life more dedicated to God's purposes and to be a blessing to His people, my people. So, I must go on the offensive now with this other nature. It is important that she be weakened that I not be debilitated by her attacks. I can't really make her disappear, but I can lessen the impact.

So first, I must recognize-yes that wondrous word again- her methods when she attacks. Ok, first when I'm happy, she points out the bad. When I'm hopeful, she tells me why I should doubt. The difference now? As opposed to embracing or even entertaining those thoughts, I will rebuke those thoughts, combat them with the word of God and move on. The thing is, she's really very weak and only words. She can't move anything or touch me.

Now, don't get this wrong like she is a pushover, because she isn't. Those words can be a mother. The right word at the right time, can devastate you. But God's word is more powerful than she can imagine being. If you doubt it, let me tell you that my thoughts were so totally dark last night and I wasn't really any better by morning. But God. God knew what I needed and he delivered on it. With the wisdom He gave me, I can rejoice in what I now see.

This is so super exciting if I take it. This blog isn't just for you, it's for me also. For me mostly. I need to remember and I need to put into practice. Warrior mode is in full swing now. So to close, for now, let's get it. Seriously, the time is now for us to get what is ours and to move into the realm we should be in as children of the Most High. Let's get it.

The Stranger Inside

Its been a couple of weeks since I posted anything. During that time, I've had some ups and downs emotionally where I wonder who am I? I haven't figured it out yet, but I'm praying for God to reveal it to me. I often feel opposing thoughts of being too empathetic and bordering on sociopathic. I can be honest enough to recognize that this post is narcisstic. I often am too introspective, looking too deeply where perhaps I should be more shallow.

Too many days are spent with me feeling like an unwelcome visitor in my own body. Like I'm looking out the window, screaming, "Let me out of this loser prison!" Take 2 steps forward, the steps back are variable. There are days when I spend the whole day feeling positively fierce. Then I pass a window or a mirror and the stranger is quick to remind me who I'm not.

The worse part about the stranger? She makes me different around my friends. I wonder... What do you see in my? Why are you my friend? If I stop serving a purpose, will you leave? Do I serve a purpose now? If not, why not? You don't have to tell me how crazy, though I stumble over the word, this sounds. I know some people reading this will think, just get some counseling.

The fact is, I have some pretty wise friends, and I just can't get past the question, Why are you even my friend? to actually tell them how I feel. Also, friends are really quick to tell you why you're super awesome and why you shouldn't be feeling like you feel. They don't just listen, so they can't get to root cause. I can think of some causes, all day long.

They all start and stop with me. But so often the solution is within the problem. So my solution is within the thought that I suck, not in the fact that I do. I really don't suck. In a rational part of me I can recognize that I am a relatively good person. I'm smart and I have a good sense of humor. I'm a talented writer and I'm a good friend. Mostly.

I sincerely have to get over my hangups. The thing is, I know I'm not the only person with these types of thoughts and feelings. That's not why I'm composing this post, thought it can be a lovely side benefit. Essentially, the stranger is an interloper, an armed robber who should be put to death for breaking and entering my body, my life and every relationship I have.