I'm yelling.
Screaming.
Hollering.
Crying out hoping to be heard.
But I won't be.
No one is where I am.
Like insidious, I'm trapped inside
With all of these thoughts, fears, uncertainties
Bleeding, seething wounds
Breeding new ways to be hurt.
My dreams are nightmares of dead hope revealed.
Light shining, coating my consciousness, does battle with effort.
The will to move, to do, to live on.
Do I scream, outing my heart into the effort of expelling every dark specter lurking in mt subconscious?
So that when I reach you see.
When I speak you hear.
When I cry your arms rescue me.
Like some scary movie insecurity flows out.
Reaching back, it grabs hold.
I'm your security blanket, it wails.
You need....
No, I don't need you.
Angrily, claws dig in.
No one will ever be there for you.
No one truly likes you, loves you.
Without me, you're alone.
Live with me or die alone.
In the face of my ego's ire, my legs want to buckle,
Tempting me to fall back into the pit of quiet noise.
A place of silent rage, it calls to me.
Seconds before my knees touch the earth...
Moments before surrender comes,
I square my shoulders, lock my knees and rise.
Standing I see that other me that does what I would not.
I recognize that I which feels what I refuse.
Seeing, I reckon that this wrecked psyche is not the I that I am.
Turning from it, ignoring my whispers,
I run from that fatal me to the I am who loves herself.
The I am who is eager for what's next;
Who knows that fire tempers steel.
Soldiers don't run from the enemy;
Warriors cry out for more.
Being cognizant of my deployment, I eagerly take a stand for now, tomorrow.
I release yesterday; allowing it to remain dead.
Dead success, dead sorrow can't touch me.
I'm all about what's next.
In the face of adversity, to life's Commander in Chief, I reply
Sir, yes, sir.
Screaming.
Hollering.
Crying out hoping to be heard.
But I won't be.
No one is where I am.
Like insidious, I'm trapped inside
With all of these thoughts, fears, uncertainties
Bleeding, seething wounds
Breeding new ways to be hurt.
My dreams are nightmares of dead hope revealed.
Light shining, coating my consciousness, does battle with effort.
The will to move, to do, to live on.
Do I scream, outing my heart into the effort of expelling every dark specter lurking in mt subconscious?
So that when I reach you see.
When I speak you hear.
When I cry your arms rescue me.
Like some scary movie insecurity flows out.
Reaching back, it grabs hold.
I'm your security blanket, it wails.
You need....
No, I don't need you.
Angrily, claws dig in.
No one will ever be there for you.
No one truly likes you, loves you.
Without me, you're alone.
Live with me or die alone.
In the face of my ego's ire, my legs want to buckle,
Tempting me to fall back into the pit of quiet noise.
A place of silent rage, it calls to me.
Seconds before my knees touch the earth...
Moments before surrender comes,
I square my shoulders, lock my knees and rise.
Standing I see that other me that does what I would not.
I recognize that I which feels what I refuse.
Seeing, I reckon that this wrecked psyche is not the I that I am.
Turning from it, ignoring my whispers,
I run from that fatal me to the I am who loves herself.
The I am who is eager for what's next;
Who knows that fire tempers steel.
Soldiers don't run from the enemy;
Warriors cry out for more.
Being cognizant of my deployment, I eagerly take a stand for now, tomorrow.
I release yesterday; allowing it to remain dead.
Dead success, dead sorrow can't touch me.
I'm all about what's next.
In the face of adversity, to life's Commander in Chief, I reply
Sir, yes, sir.
(c) Pamela Shropshire 2012
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