Petulance

Have you ever looked at someone and all you want to say is, "So you mad now?" Empathy, in that moment, sleeps. Stated with a degree of sarcasm it is still meant with sincerity. What the phuck is wrong with you? It would help if you  just said instead of pouting like a three-year old. Still you won't say and I'm left to wonder, to wade through your emotional mine field. Have you ever been here? This isn't any specific relationship. It can be a co-worker, a lover, a friend or relative. One moment you love life and the next, you have a thorn in your paw.

What to do? What are my options when an adult needs babying? I can't wipe your ass, or whatever else requires special attention. So I do what I can; I adapt. I prepare to be who and what is needed in that moment. The thing about petulance, is that it infects those who adapt. Pretty soon that person is "moody" around you because they don't know who they have to be in that moment for the petulant to have a good day. So they are quiet, waiting for a signal of what you need from them at a given time. The relationship becomes diseased by the pervasive moodiness of all involved.

Another problem with such unbalanced relationships is that one person knows and is involved with what is going on with their friend, while the enabler remains a mystery and has no clue how to change that. I mean, the relationship has been consummated on the bed of one persons needs. If you try to change the status quo, what happens? When your needs surface and want to manifest, they can't. So you suppress them while bitterness brews.

By definition of being an enabler, this imbalance is your fault. I blame you and I for devaluing my importance in the equation of our relationship. Petulance isn't just about what the petulant have done, but the self-esteem issues involved in those who indulge them. Why do we feel the need to indulge them? Not just being nice when someone is going through something, but doing back flips because of someone's varying moods. The question begs, how real is the friendship if one party must be handled like glass and the handler can never express themself. There is an awful level of selfishness and self-indulgence from both sides.

The petulant are selfish in a very obvious way. Those of us placating, we are selfish in a less obvious way. Rather than confront that person and create a healthy relationship , we wallow in self-righteous martyrdom, taking the easy way out. A better friend would be honest. A truer friend would say, I need more, rather than molting in self-pity at the sham relationship they find themselves in. There are no heroes or victims in this story, only selfish idiots tied in a symbiotic relationship of need. Largely unhealthy.

Decide not to be a character in this self-indulgent production. Be honest and true tonyourself and with those you claim to love. All involved will be much happier.