I want to blog about sex and the consequences thereof so that we are making informed decisions. I don’t want to lecture anyone or have people make promises they don’t want to keep. This post is about information and facts that people need in order to make healthy choices.
Let me first explain what I mean by healthy choices. Health is not a singular thing. When I say healthy, I mean emotionally, physically and mentally healthy. Decisions that we make in our lives impact our health in many ways. We lie to our loved ones for fear of being judged or disappointing someone. We may feel guilt, loss of appetite or depression.
At this point, we are experiencing poor emotional, physical and mental health by one act. One lie that has negatively affected you. When a person has sex it affects our whole being, everything that makes us who we are. The way we define and value ourselves.
Life is cause and effect. Our actions bring both positive and negative effects. There are several ways to categorize sex. Sex is not bad. If done right and for the right reasons, sex should be pleasurable for both parties, both during the act and afterwards. It may be surprising to hear me say that but education is about facts, not myths and delusions meant to scare you into conformity.
I’m not advocating sex or abstinence. I’m telling each person to do what is right for them. To wait until they know themselves well enough to make that kind of decision. In the moment, it may seem like the perfect decision to lay with someone, let them intermingle their body with yours. The thing about moments is that they don’t last forever; there will always be a next moment. In the next moment you may feel loved and cherished or you may feel dirty and ashamed. I won’t say wait until you’re grown up to have sex because most adults experience the same moments.
I am saying know yourselves. Know what you can handle, what you can deal with. Could you handle giving yourself over to someone and having them turn away from you? Having them tell all of their friends about you and your performance? I am asking you to wait until you are ready to deal with whatever the next moment brings.
Asking you, not telling you. As young adults, and adults even, it is up to each of us to make these decisions. It would also be up to each of us individually to accept the consequences, positive or negative of our actions. I know enough about myself to know what I can and cannot find acceptable. I also love me enough not to settle for less than I deserve for a moment.
Some may be saying “I’m ready now.” Being able to stand the tide of bad gossip is only one facet of being ready. We must also be ready for the pain and degradation of an STD, which is possible with a sexual encounter. Ready for the financial responsibility of a pregnancy. Prepared for the emotional responsibility of being a parent; the monumental responsibility of shaping a life when you are not fully shaped yourself.
This is what I mean when I say an informed decision. Being informed on what I am capable of and realistically, what I am not. At the teen level, on average, you can legally earn about $7.25 an hour. While still in school Tennessee law prohibits you from working more than 18 hours a week when school is in session. Which means the most you can earn a week is $130.5 before the government takes its cut, which is less than $600 per month.
Child care for an infant, still in diapers is approximately $100 per week, with a hook up. Diapers for the month would be about $75, if you’re conservative. Formula and baby food, another $100-$150 per month. Gas to and from work, school and childcare, another $160 per month at $40 per week. This leaves you several hundred dollars short, and this is before taxes. We still haven’t factored in possible after care, because your kid can only be at the daycare eight hours.
This means the average baby care costs can exceed $1000 per month, which leaves you several hundred dollars short. So the burden of your child falls to your parents and the state. Let me paint a picture of government assistance for you. You sit in a crowded, smelly room waiting hours for someone to call your name and rudely ask you a lot of personal questions. Questions like when did you last have sex, when was your last cycle, does your child’s father live with you, does he work. This person will proceed to tell you how much money you can earn, where you can live and who can live with you.
I make considerably more money than $7.25 per hour and I still break out in hives at the thought of being a single parent. Sex falls into several different categories. The best would be to wait until you fall in love and make love with someone who loves you in return. Someone who will stand by you if you couldn’t have sex with them. Someone who would clean you up and kiss your sweaty brow if you were ill. A person who holds you in high enough esteem to stand before God and claim you as their own.
There is also having sex because it’s what everyone else is doing and you decide to have sex to fit in with your friends. This would lead to quite a bit of self flagellation and internal scorn. Again, I’m not telling anyone what choice to make, male or female, adult or teen. I’m saying whatever decision you make, be prepared to live with it.
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