Tax Free Weekend

Apparently my definition of what is a school supply and the rest of the world's is entirely different. No, I don’t have children about to return to the echoing halls of education, but you know, its freaking tax free!!! So I drag myself to the local Wal-Mart. I could’ve left my car home and walked, the lot was so full. Of course, I wouldn’t have made it to Wal-Mart at that point, and died from heat exhaustion as it was over 100 degrees, but I digress.

I needed new surge protectors, so I’m like it’s tax free. I think I even shrugged. So I happily grab two surge protectors, smiling sweetly at the woman glaring at my buggy. (I’m working on this kill them with kindness instead of a dirty look thing. Will keep you posted how that works out for me.) I move along to the men’s section to grab some A line T’s (aka wife beaters, o dawgs, ribbed tanks, whatever) I love them and my nieces love to steal them.

I was actually on the phone with my niece when I was grabbing them and threatened her and her sibs’ life if they touch the new ones. They can wear the old, dingy ratty ones. Anyhoo, I mentally calculate how much money I have on me and my method of procurement as I join the line that starts almost in automotive, and smile serenely at nothing. This is a lot better than glaring malevolently at everything, which I have been known to do in long lines. (also working on patience. Yes, I’m flawed.)

I get to the front of the line and want to do a touchdown dance, because I lived and did not mortally offend anyone, or send any small children running screaming through the store. I respond to the nice cashier when she greets me politely. She rings up the surge protectors… and things go horribly awry. Wtf? $24x2 is $48 without tax, not that odd fifty something you are trying to charge me.

Excuse me, pleasant cashier lady, why are you charging me tax. No returned smile, so my smile wilts, or at least becomes something not nice. Those are not tax free. Soooooo, if I buy a computer, its tax free, but I can’t protect said computer from destruction with a tax free surge protector? Wtf? I briefly contemplate getting them both, then remember, I only need one. I was getting 2 because it was FREAKING TAX FREE! So I tell the cashier lady I only want one.

She throws me a dirty look. I avoid the eyes of the mob seething at my back, though I can feel the heat of their thoughts. Move lady so I can buy this filler paper. They act like their cart of school supplies is a burnt offering to satisfy the Summer vacation gods and without them, they’ll be stuck with the people they spawned for another three months.

Whatever. I’m not getting them both, so I guess we’ll  all learn patience together. Class in session. So I return my thoughts to the now disgruntled cashier. I advise her I’m going to pay for the one surge protector with my card. She continues doing what she’s doing. I’m like, so you mad now? I pantomime as though she is deaf and say give me my cash, I’m paying with my card. The unflattering moniker I started to add, I bit back. I could almost feel the salty rush of blood, because it was almost as painful as biting my tongue clean through.

I am a novice at this whole being nice thing. You want to test professionals, not newbies. She slams my cash onto the little check writing stand (another blog about that thing later) and re-scans the lonely surge protector. I then procure my T’s and move out of line with a snarky, you too, in response to her grumbled have a nice day. I wouldn’t run to my car, knowing animals scent fear, but I did pick up speed, lest the disgruntled soul behind me decided to attack.

But I yet live. I live to shop another day. Moral of the story? Know what the freak is tax free on tax free weekend to avoid inciting a riot.