Lyrical Dissection: Roles

"I love her cause she got her own." Some men will say that say the meaning of the song will be felt by women who aren't gold diggers. I won't argue; just start the dissection and you can make your own mind up. "I love her cause..." Stop there. If you know why you love me, then you don't. If you can point out one think that makes me lovable to you, then what happens when that one thing is no longer true? "...she got her own." Own what? Some men will say the song means money, but that is open to interpretation.

For arguments sake, we'll say it means money. Own bank account, checking and savings. Own car and home. Okay, I can understand why a man would want a resourceful woman that can survive without a man. That's cool; you don't want to be latched on to just because you have a penis and a job. No man wants to simply be the answer to loneliness. No woman either for that matter. So their has to be something more binding.

Common interests, goals, dreams and aspirations. That is not to discount desire for one another, because attraction is also very important. You have all of that going for you, but she doesn't meet the definition of having her own, so you friend her, because you're not Captain Save Her. Understood. You meet someone who fits the definition of having her own. You don't share the same goals and dreams, though you agree to compromise. The spark isn't the same as it was with the friend, but you have your standards.

You sacrifice your great for okay, because she doesn't have her own. I'm not saying that this song is the standard by which all men base their decisions, I am saying that this song is an indication of the mindset of a population of men. It is indicative of fear. Fear of being used and cast aside. Fear of what their friends are going to say. Fear of letting your family down.

If she doesn't have her own, then you are it. I mean it. What if you fail? What if you can't make it work? That fear above all else, keeps them searching for a career woman. Let's pause here and let it be known that there is nothing wrong with a woman having a career. I'm a writer, and married with kids, I'll still write. I could sooner stop breathing. So I'm not denying anyone's right to having more, or their need for something more.

My point is that fear has destroyed the family structure. The husband has a career, wife has a career, kids are raised by who? Daycare has the kids all day, mom and dad might sit down with them at night for dinner, then off to the separate corners of life. Because the man is afraid to be the man and the woman is afraid to lean.

Men and women are afraid to embrace their roles in life. Roles occasionally may reverse in regards to who works due to things outside of either person's control, but a man content to be a "house husband" is not a man. A woman content to come home to fresh laundry and a home cooked meal instead of a man, is deceiving herself. It is the nature of a woman to want a man. Someone you can lean on and trust to stand. A real man is not afraid to lead his family, to have the vision for his family.

Society and the evil that has become more and more pervasive in society has led women not to trust men. The defense that women build, shutting men out of their hearts and minds because of past mistakes and hurts, instead of learning and moving on. So you see the fault is not to be place solely on man. We, as women, have to shoulder our share.

We lower our standards and accept less. Accept a house husband so that you can say you have a man. I would tell you, you do not. Demand too little and expect even less. We all have to get back to the roles we should be playing in family. Our children suffer because of our fear. Society is weakened by it. We criticize eastern cultures as being too strict, but with some exceptions, they are simply demanding that roles be honored.

There's nothing wrong with being Captain Save Her. You can save a woman from the loneliness of life without you, even as she saves you from the desolation of a life without her. We are joined and have been from the beginning of time. However, man did not come out of woman, but vice versa. Submission is not weakness; it can be extremely hot. A masterful man can be extremely sexy. Not someone who desires to crush you under his heel or beat you into submission, but a man who can be the true head.

Know that a strong woman must have a strong man, or this can't happen. If she can't respect you because she is holding you up, she is in effect, the head of the house; it simply will not work. You decide.